Do you remember Ethel Mertz from I Love Lucy? If that is before your time, maybe Peggy Bundy from Married with Children? They were stereotypical nagging tv wives. Do you like repetitive people? You know, people who say the same thing over and over? Well, do you like them? I doubt that anyone likes them and I doubt anyone wants to be that person but we all know it does happen. Why? One reason is that we, human beings, tend to not listen to each other so that repetition seems necessary.
Dr. Stephen R. Covey says in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People that "most people listen with the intent to reply" rather than "listen with the intent to understand." I know that in teaching the 7 Habits, Habit 5 states that you should Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. Habit 5 is the hardest one for most people to practice because it goes contrary to how most people are used to communicating with others.
Part of the problem is ego. We are trained to think that ours is the most important viewpoint so we tend to not listen to others or believe that their perspective is less important. This disconnect has even led me to witness some loud and seemingly angry arguments, which, from an outside observer's perspective, have both parties are arguing the same point - they just refuse to listen to the other side! Another issue is that others may think it condescending and insulting to consistently be expected to repeat statements made. I know I would be angry if I were expected to repeat myself consistently because it does not respect my time. If you respected me, you would hear what I said the first time.
Workplaces are often talking about improving efficiency. We can all work smarter rather than harder if we listen to each other the first time. Interpersonal skills are soft skills that can be hard to learn but are vitally important to the workplace and to all the people involved.
The first axiom of Choice Theory is that the only person whose behavior you can control is your own. Dale Carnegie advocated that changing other people's behavior might be possible if one changes one's own behavior toward the person.
In the workplace, nagging might also look like micromanagement or controlling. We can think more in terms of managing up in a future article. For now, creating a respectful workplace includes learning enough about colleagues to know when and how they are able to fully listen and hear information. Of course, this strategy is even more effective if your colleagues also make an effort to learn about how you can best hear and learn new information. This can also apply at home.
In my house, we took some time to focus on how we hear and learn to avoid the need for any nagging. We are better at quickly understanding each other for it. No one wants to become a stereotype. While it may seem time-consuming and inefficient to take the time to know colleagues to better engage with them, the time it will ultimately save in repetition and frustration will serve everyone better.
To learn more about listening and respectful workplace communication strategies contact Mako & Associates at DeeAn@MakoEd.com or 206-992-7484.
